Ok, so i bet you guys are all saying well of course God cares...thats easy...If thats what your learning in Africa Vanessa..then i dont even know what....I mean seriously.....

   Believe me that is what i am thinking as i am sitting here writing this, but you see as silly as it sounds..this is really what i am learning!!!! As simple as the concept of God loves me, and God is there for me..are sometimes concepts that people have a hard time grasping, I never fully grasped this concept till the past week!! You see i have been teaching at a small school for the past 2 weeks that is kind of in the richer parts of Swaziland. And these weeks have been great, i love teaching and the school does ACE pace books, which i know all about. But i kept having this feeling in the back of my mind that i wasnt really touching as many kids and helping as many of the "poor" people in Swaziland. I felt kind of bad when some of my team mates came home talking about how they gave clothes to a kid that had 1 shirt and pair of pants, or they gave some kids medical attention,,or whatever and there i was sitting in a classroom with kids who had good homes, who had parents, who had everything. Then i was slapped in the face when i learned that 1 little girl in my class has to go from her moms to her dads cause they are divorced and pressure her to decide where she wants to go. Or that another little girl has a learning disability and takes alot of homework home, but doesn't have the time to do it cause she has to cook and clean for her mom and also take care of her little sister who in mentally unstable and in a wheel chair. One little boy goes home to an alcoholic dad and the only reason he is in this nice school is because a well off distant aunt has decided to help him learn but feels it is not right to pull him out of his dads house cause in Swaziland everyone believes that a child is better left at home with their parents...if they have any. You see, yes these kids have clothes and can go to a nice school, but they are still struggling with everyday life, just like the ones who dont own mant clothes, or live in a poorer homestead. they just struggle with the emotional and mental stuff. Yes the other kids do too, but thats not what we see when we see them, we just see ripped clothes, dirty faces, and an orphan. I came to the realization that everyone has problems and even if its not the big things, like having food, its still the little things, like above. After i came to this realization, i also got major encouragement from some of the kids that said please dont leave Aunty Vanessa....I like you here, what is in America that you have to leave us. Your a great and fun teacher and we will miss you...Yes these things arent alot but they are when they come from the 8 year old little girl who doesnt get much fun at home cauyse she takes care of her sister in a wheel chair, or the little 7 year old who loves to give and get hugs and when you ask why she hugs soo much, she says cause this is the only place i can have or get them.. It breaks my heart to this that i was so simple minded and put God in a box of only caring for the big things.....  Well.. there may be some typing errors in here, im kind of in a rush...Love you guys!!   please pray for my little kids that i cant een think about leaving!! Im getting teary eyed just thinking about them..  ~NESSA~